Living with Intention

Quite often I notice a theme coming at me from all angles.  Some say it’s God, others say fate, some just coincidence.  Whatever it is, I find that when a message presents itself to you over and over,  it will do you good to stop and pay attention to that message and act upon it.

My message lately — live your life with intention, stop floating through this world letting life pass you by.  I have found myself in this dazed state of just going through the motions and to put it bluntly, it sucks.  This is one big reason that it’s been three months since I last posted.  Although, life has thrown me a few curve balls so my ‘free’ time as well as my emotional availability have been greatly diminished recently.  I have missed the outlet for myself and the joy in sharing our lives.

So what am I going to do about it?

~ Become more conscious and present — make choices that will bring about the good things I’m looking for in this world.

~ Remember that I am steering this ship, I am not just a passenger along for the ride.

~ Embrace our decision as a couple to focus more on our relationship and how we live our lives together…talk more, hug each other more often, and kiss like we used to – at random times just because we happen to be in the same room.

~ Accept the facts of my situation today and actively seek to change the things I want or need to change.

~ Thank God every day for the incredible blessings I’ve been given and share my light and love with those I encounter in my day to day life.  Even those random strangers who might be driving in the car next to me through traffic, or standing in line at the grocery store.  Everyone can use a shared smile.

~ Help Ronan discover the world around him – go outside more, participate in local LPA events, add more sensory activities to our play time.

~ Eat better food, and stop stress-eating.  I did great at losing the baby weight quickly after having Ronan but the pounds are slowly creeping back on and while it has been REALLY cold this winter, I don’t actually need a thicker layer of chub to survive it.

Did you see what I did there?? 🙂  I didn’t even plan that out from the start but hey – A HUGE part of living with intention for me is to be conscious of my breath.  I’ve practiced yoga for so many years (although my practice has also suffered and almost vanished lately) that I can rather quickly change my physical and emotional state just by remembering to BREATHE a few long and slow breaths.  It really works – try it now, just take one minute to breathe – 5 breaths, each with a count to 5 on the inhale and count to 5 on the exhale.

Go ahead, I’ll wait…

Okay, I hope you feel just a little better.  Your body and brain have more oxygen to work with and your nervous system knows it’s okay to relax your muscles when you slow down your breathing.

Now here I go again, back on this blogging adventure.  If you were here with me in the beginning and you came back – Thank You, I appreciate the second chance!!  If this is your first time reading, Thank You too, and I hope you’ll come back again soon.

Silent Saturday

Hello!  We had a really nice week, I hope you did too.  The fall colors are beautiful right now so I went a little photo happy.  Ronan had a great week at his Physical Therapy Playgroup, and mama scored big at a mom 2 mom sale this morning… check out our loot for only $19

Enjoy your weekend!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Best Morning Ever

Some days just start off better than others and today was definitely one of those days.

We had to roll the clocks back an hour for daylight savings time last night so it feels like we “gained an hour of sleep” this also means that Ronan was ready to wake up and hour earlier than the clock said he should.  So today Rob woke up with Ronan and let me sleep for that extra hour.

When the boys came to wake me for church they did it in the best way ever.  I woke to my two favorite guys softly calling my name (well – calling “mama” – or trying to at least).  Ronan crawled up to me planting two big, fat, wet kisses right on my face, complete with sound effect “BA!”.

We hugged and snuggled for a few minutes.  We played peek-a-boo with the blanket and when Rob and I stopped Ronan continued the game on his own yelling out at just the right time.  He was so happy and giggly it was completely infectious!

Rob and I sang our Good Morning song to Ronan together.  Every day when Ronan first wakes up we sing ‘Good Morning’ from Singing in The Rain with our own special twist on the lyrics.  Usually though Ronan only gets one of us at a time and today he started clapping for us and blew us kisses.  Then it was off to get dressed for church and ready for the day.

It was truly the best wake-up I’ve ever had.  Tomorrow, when the alarm goes off to wake me for the start of another work-week I’m going to do my best to remember this morning instead of grumbling at the fact that I’m waking up to head into the office.

Silent Saturday (starting on Sunday this week)

I saw this on an awesome blog I follow, Momaste Blog http://momasteblog.wordpress.com/ and I am going to start doing the same thing.  So every Saturday I will be posting some pictures from our week – with no captions or stories.  Just a glimpse into our lives. 

This week to start us off (a day late, yes I know) I will be sharing some of our Halloween pictures, a shot from the Detroit’s most photogenic babies contest (yay for judges’ choice runner up!) and a glimpse from Ronan’s one year photo shoot.  Can’t WAIT to see those pictures!!

       

 

An Unexpected Lesson – right in the middle of a busy day

There is something wonderful that we have seemingly lost in our generation of fast-moving, high-tech, answers at your finger tips. 

Over the weekend Ronan and I went for a walk into The Village (a little shopping district a few block from our house) so I could run some errands and we had a very sweet encounter with a perfect stranger.  While we waited for my coffee order to come up I noticed two elderly gentlemen sitting at a little table chatting over their steaming mugs.  One of the men looked over and smiled so big at Ronan it made me instantly smile back. 

He looked up at me and asked, “is his name Billy?” I chuckled inside wondering if he thought we were someone he knew or if he just wanted to spark a conversation.  

“No, his name is Ronan” I replied

“Roman?”

“No, Ronan  – R-o-n (like November) -a -n” 

“Ahhh, Ronan!”  He sat back and smiled, looked over at his friend a moment, then turned back to us.  I could tell he was thinking and had more to say so I waited and he finally leaned forward and started reciting a line from some beautiful piece of literature.  I didn’t quite catch all that he said but I did hear that the quote ended with “to meet upon Ronan’s Rill”.  It sounded like old English poetry, and it was beautiful.  The man made sure to tell me that a Rill was a river, I was grateful for the explanaton because I had never heard the word.  Then he went on to explain that this was a line from Sir Walter Scott’s novel Ivanhoe. 

I was so touched that this total stranger would think to stop and recall this line and share it simply because it mentioned my son’s name.  I thanked him and made sure to tell him how much I appreciated his thoughtfulness.  This experience stayed with me for the rest of the afternoon.  Warm fuzzies for sure!  It also got me researching Sir Walter Scott, his novel Ivanhoe, and his other writings.  I even found that he actually wrote a completely separate novel called St. Ronan’s Well.   (**warning – random tangent –  This made me smile and give myself a nice little pat on the back.  In all the research we did in choosing a name for Ronan I never thought to check if it was a saint’s name.  My dad always had a thing with making sure we all had saint’s names.  The only reason my mom could name me Jennifer is because it is a derivitive of Genevieve)

This kind of thing just doesn’t happen anymore.  People in our generation today would not stop and think of a specific line within a famous piece of literature that contained the name of a baby they just met.  The closest I could see happening would be to Google the name and maybe share if they found someone famous or notable with the same name.   And that just doesn’t have the same effect. 

Now I’m regretting that I was so taken aback by this man’s actions that I didn’t even bother to ask him his name, or share my own.  So what have I learned from this?

1.  Slow down and pay attention to the people around you.  You never know when a total stranger can brighten your day – if you just stop and give them the chance to do it.

2.  I really need to catch up on my reading!  I love to read and I don’t remember the last time I sat down to read.  

            2b – I should start by reading some of those legendary pieces of literature that most people read in high school or college.  Even if I did read them back then I didn’t appreciate what I was reading.

3.  The older generations of people in our world have some wonderful things to offer and I need to get better at being patient and open to listening to them.  Too many times I get so caught up in my own life and the things I’m trying to get done that I just breeze past or hurry to get off the phone with the older, and wiser, people in my life.  They may move at a slower pace but that is okay, and probably better in some circumstances!

Adding a little Green

It’s pretty common knowledge now that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and you will see pink popping out all over the place for the next few weeks.  There will be more people wearing pink ribbons, clothes, adding pink scarves or other accessories, pizza boxes are pink, and even the NFL supports the cause by having the players wear pops of bright pink while they play.  It is everywhere and it warms my heart to see this kind of support to help a cause.  I’ve had friends and family battle breast cancer, some have beat it and others were not as lucky.   For many years I’ve worn my pink and done what I can to support this effort in raising awareness for breast cancer.

This year I will be adding a little green to my October in support of National Dwarfism Awareness Month.  Here is a little information courtesy of the LIttle People of America – http://www.lpaonline.org

October has been declared National Dwarfism Awareness Month. Little People of America (LPA) is a national support organization for people with dwarfism and their families. LPA provides peer, parent and medical support for the dwarfism community.

• There are over 200 distinct forms of dwarfism and skeletal dysplasias.
• People with dwarfism are generally not taller than 4′ 10″ at adult height.  The typical height range is 2’8″ to 4’5″.
• Eighty percent of people with dwarfism have average-height parents and siblings.
• There are an estimated 30,000 people in the United States and 651,000 internationally with a type of dwarfism.
• In July 2009 the word “midget” was declared inappropriate and offensive. Preferable terms are: having dwarfism, short stature, little person, lp, and the medical terminology use of dwarf.  A person’s name is always the most preferred.
• LPA has registered a complaint with the FCC over the use of the “m” word.  Our goal is to raise awareness around the offensive impact of the word in order to eliminate its use in media, popular culture and in everyday language.
• LPA has 6500 members across the United States and includes 70 chapters active in all 50 states.
• Skeletal Dysplasias affect bone growth, but generally do not affect cognitive abilities.
• LPA hosts an annual national conference each July which draws 2500 attendees for a week of activities, including educational and medical workshops, sports, and social networking and events.

  The National Dwarfism Awareness Month program is dedicated to increasing public knowledge about people with dwarfism. 

For more information about National Dwarfism Awareness Month, please visit www.lpaonline.org or call 1-888-LPA-2001.  Events supporting National Dwarfism Awareness Month will be occurring across the U.S. throughout the month of October.

Last year I learned about Dwarfism Awareness Month shortly after Ronan was born.  I thought it was so lucky and fun for Ronan to have an October birthday!  There was so much I didn’t know about dwarfism.  Really, the only thing I knew about it at all was that there were people who were affected.

I never gave it much thought, I mean honestly, I’m one of the shortest people in my family and I’m six feet tall.  Dwarfism was so far from my realm of thought.  I had no idea that it would be possible for us to have a child with dwarfism mainly because of a lack of awareness on the topic.  Then this amazing little boy came into our world and opened my eyes and my heart to this community.  I’m so thankful!!  What a wonderful group of people to know and learn from! 

So now, I will be wearing my green right along with my pink for October and spreading the word wherever I can.  I hope that you will join me.  Add some green to your October and tell people why are doing it!

One Year Later – Loving Life in Holland

One year ago my entire world changed…I learned that the child I carried would come into the world as a Little Person, and stay that way. 🙂   Shortly after finding this out I came across the following essay written as a parent of a child with a disability and it struck such a deep chord in me I want to share it with you here.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

This captures my feelings so well, it’s hard to build on but I’m going to try.  I really did plan my ‘trip to Italy’.  Kids were always part of my picture, and we planned, dreamed, hoped and imagined what our life would be like.  We talked about who our kids would look like and what we would do with them.  When this news hit us it was like the fragile image of that future just shattered in front of us.

At first you really do have to take some time to mourn that lost ‘trip to Italy’ and I did that.  Luckily we had a few weeks before Ronan was born to process the information and do a lot of that mourning.  This was a blessing for us, for me especially, having never held him in my arms or even known that he was a boy made it easier to let that imaginary child go.

Once he was born, we saw his face and held him in our arms there was no more question of whether or not this was supposed to happen to us.  I know that God chose us to be his parents for a reason.  I don’t know if we’ll ever truly understand what that reason is but that doesn’t really matter.  Ronan is our son and we are his parents.  How tall or short we are won’t take away from the love we have for each other.

In the past year we have had some ups and downs, as any parent would probably tell you with a new baby, but fortunately for us we have had a LOT more ups.  Ronan has shared so many smiles, giggles, snuggles and silly moments with us.  It has been really fun.  Perfect strangers will stop us on the street and tell us how beautiful he is, or what gorgeous eyes he has…all things we see too, but it’s nice to hear from others.  The woman who cares for Ronan while Rob and I are at work tells us all the time what an easy baby he is.  It warms my heart to see his face light up when we get to her house in the mornings.  I can already tell that he loves and trusts her.  We have attended a couple LP events, a movie premiere for the new Oz movie, and the Closing Ceremony for The World Dwarf Games and have been welcomed with open arms.  I look forward to joining our local chapter of the Little People of America (LPA) organization and get to know our local LP community better.

Ronan had some developmental delays by around six months but he started working with our Early On Intervention team then and over the last couple months has made huge advances in his development.  We are starting physical therapy for him this month as well so hopefully he will see positive results with that too!

All in all we are adjusting well to life ‘in Holland’ and I look forward to appreciating the scenery as we continue to settle in here.

11 Months

Ronan is 11 months old!  Time really starts to twist and spin when you become a parent.  I feel like these 11 months have flown by and lasted a hundred years all at the same time.

So what is Ronan up to these days?  Well he has been making huge progress even in just the last two weeks!

~ He weighed in last saturday at 14 lbs even – a huge jump from his 9 month appointment where is was still only 12 lbs 5 oz.

~ He finally popped his first tooth and as of last night it’s officially above the gum line.

~ He army crawls around like a little speed demon

~ Sits on his own (when placed) and can now crawl out of a seated position

~ Can now pull himself up to stand!  He will do this on his toys, the pack & play, if you hold out your fingers when he’s sitting he’ll grab on and pull up.

~ Babbles all day long – only actual word is Dada

~ Waves Hi and Bye

Ronan’s favorite things right now —

~ Fisher-Price Topzy Tumblers Twirlin’ Tumblin’ Fun Park

~ His singing monster from Auntie Anne

~ Anything with a hinge – he loves to make them move and looks like he’s trying to figure them out

Ronan’s Favorite Books

~ Hippos Go Berserk

~ Brown Bear

~ Swim Little Wombat Swim

Our First Dance

It’s official, Ronan and mama had our first dance.  (of course we dance all over the house on a regular basis but this was our public debut)  Every Labor Day weekend we attend my family reunion and this year was our 101st reunion, marking the 100th anniversary of this tradition.  From 1913 -2013 we have gathered together annually and celebrated the heritage of this strong group from Germany.   I am so proud to be a part of such a rich tradition and I hope to pass this along to Ronan and his generation.

The evening was rolling in and the music was starting to play. Ronan had just bounced his way across the table (with lots of support) to the chicken dance and he seemed to be having the time of his fresh new life.  I planned on leaving before things got really loud but still wanted to get out on the floor with Ronan so I asked my cousin who was DJing the party to play us a song.

The Beatles  –  All You Need is Love  It couldn’t have been a better song choice — Thanks cousin Jim!

We twirled around the dance floor and Ronan snuggled in to my shoulder loving every beat.  When I stopped to take a break he jumped in my arms to get me moving again.  Of course I had to keep going, this moment was one I had longed for, and prayed for.  I held my son tightly and danced around the floor, just the two of us moving and snuggling to the music.  I hope that one day many years from now we get to dance at his wedding and I’ll share the story of this night with him.

I love this boy more than I could have ever imagined possible.

A Thousand Years

This song by Christina Perri just came on my Pandora and brought me to tears listening to the words.  I know it was written as a love song for a couple but the words hit home for me in how I feel about Ronan.
Three long years of unexplained infertility felt like a thousand years waiting, and now that he is here in my life I know I will love him for a thousand more.

“And all along I believed I would find you

Time has brought Your heart to me

I have loved you for a Thousand years

I’ll love you for a Thousand more”

As he approaches his first birthday and he gets stronger I know he will be standing on his own soon, then taking his first steps.

“Heart beats fast Colors and promises

How to be brave How can I love when I’m afraid To fall

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt Suddenly goes away somehow”

I love that he is such a special boy and that we are lucky enough to have him in our family.  I will do everything to stand strong for him in this life.

“I will be brave I will not let anything

Take away What’s standing in  front of me

Every breath, Every hour has come to this”

Music is such a magical and powerful thing.